Whoop whoop!!! Right here, this mom! Now, I know that this is a controversial topic to many but, I have no shame, and here is why.
Of course we have to back it up a bit because there was a point in time when Kaydence was between two and three where I felt a great deal of guilt for even considering medicating my child. She was so young. It started out with sleep. Kaydence was only sleeping on average two to three hours per night. At the time, she was connected to a feeding pump close to 24 hours a day. So, if she was up. I was up. I went months, constantly getting up in the middle of the night. (Not to mention I had a new baby on my hands in the midst of this) She would tangle her tubing all around her body/neck. It was a constant battle keeping her safe. This led to extreme anxiety for me. I felt like I had to be constantly watching the video monitor.
And then. My breaking point. We went in for her check up at the Department of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics. They did a new evaluation to test where Kaydence was cognitively. I knew what was coming but it was still hard to hear, she had made no progress, and actually regressed over the last 8 months. I thought, how could this be?! She was in intense therapies, seeing 6 therapists a week! Her doctor explained that it was probably directly linked with her lack of sleep and intense ADHD. Her body never stopped. Even in her sleep. Even when she was exhausted her body was in a manic state. I cried and begged for help. We started some doses of medication to help with sleep at night time. First we tried melatonin, which I did not feel so bad about. But when that failed we had to move on to Clonidine, and eventually down the line added Trazodone.
Finally! Her sleep was under control and this momma was able to get the sleep I had been longing for! But of course, one thing leads to another and It became time to address her ADHD we started a dose of tenex, and this was a game changer. She was able to sit still for the first time in 2 years! And then, over the years we added Risperidone for aggression and behaviors, and Lexapro for anxiety, and even more recently a Clonidine patch to further assist with behaviors.
I lived feeling shameful for a long time. I was that mom, the mom who could not handle her kid. The mom that was not strong enough or tough enough to get through it without medication. I felt like I should of tried harder, I should of tried every possible natural supplement.
But! I am here to tell you, you should NEVER feel that way. Do not let the stigmas around medication and mental health bring you down! Stand strong and be confident in the fact that you and only you know your child best. You are and always will be your child’s best advocate. If I sat here and took everyone’s opinion to heart, I would be suffering, but most of all, my child would be suffering. She deserves the best, and while some will say that medicating her is not the best I beg to differ. Without her medication she will not sleep but maybe two hours. She would be unable to control her body, her emotions, and behaviors. Her behaviors include self injury. So, I will stand tall and shout to the mountain tops. I am NOT ashamed. I am NOT a bad mother. I will NOT let others opinions bring me down. I will stand strong and continue to advocate for my child.
A relatively well rested special needs momma!